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How far back into your childhood can your remember and what is your favorite memory of that time?

10.06.2025 14:35

How far back into your childhood can your remember and what is your favorite memory of that time?

I know those footsteps, and they belong to the doctor. I don't like the doctor, because every time he comes, he makes them cover me with that horrible pink stuff with the horrible smell, and I feel I can't breathe. There is nowhere I can go, so I burrow under my bedclothes.

It's very clear, and can't possibly have been implanted in my mind by anyone else, because no-one else was there or would know about it. And it's definitely not a dream, but a clear memory.

I must be a toddler, and I'm sitting, as toddlers do, with my legs outstretched in front of me, feeling the ribbed surface of the scrubbed table on the back of my legs. In one hand I have a small chunk of lemon, in the other a little salt, and I'm alternately licking the salt and sucking the lemon. Below me, Mrs Trevor (whose hair is tied up in a headscarf) is looking up, and telling me what a peculiar child I am!

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

Someone rightly commented below that the scrubbed table and tiled floor would have made a lot of work, but we did have a cleaning lady, a Mrs Trevor. The reason why I remember the kitchen table is because I also have a memory of Mrs Trevor being on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor, having parked me on the table to keep me out of the way and out of mischief.

I would go back in a heartbeat!

That is all. My only clue to the time or the circumstances came from my mother, who died before I was 10. She mentioned once that I had measles just about the time of my first birthday, and that she'd always thought I caught measles from the doctor, because I hadn't been anywhere else where I could have done so.

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It's daytime, summer, and although the curtains on the window are closed, from the light around them and filtering through them, I can see that the sun is shining outside. It's my bedroom, and I'm in my bed, which must be a baby's cot. Outside my bedroom, the other side of the wall behind my head, I can hear footsteps coming up the wooden stairs.

I remember our sitting room, the green-covered armchairs and the black and white television with the tiny screen. I remember our garden, and the scary geese at the bottom of the garden; I remember the muddy lane outside and the surrounding fields. I loved every inch of it.

My very earliest memory appears to date from about the time of my first birthday.

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Well, my birthday is in August. The curtains would have been closed to protect my eyes, if I had measles. And the horrible pink stuff would have been calamine lotion, a kaolin-based remedy intended to soothe itchy spots. 70 years on, I still hate the smell of it!

We left that beautiful cottage two years later, and I miss it to this day. I remember the kitchen, with its scrubbed wooden table and its red-tiled floor, and the Aga cooking range that kept it warm all year round; my father had bought it from an old house, and rebuilt it in our kitchen. I discovered recently that it's still there, nearly 70 years after we left, and so are the tiles. Both must be well over 100 years old.